Help Us, Help You

You've heard by now that the American auto industry's got issues. Our chief automakers aren't making vehicles most of us want. Toyota is about to surpass GM as the world's largest automaker. Millions of autoworkers wake up everyday wondering, "Is this the day I lost my job?" Thursday (10/30), the Governors of 6 states asked the Treasury Department and The Fed for an assist; in other words money. The Treasury has already agreed to $25 billion in loans to help out. What else do they want? Oh, they want some cash from the $700 billion bailout deal too. How about this: If we're gonna spend taxpayer money to help our American automakers, how about buying a fleet of near zero-emissions and/or renewable-energy powered vehicles for all government workers who drive cars we pay for? Why not get GM to speed up work on that Chevy Volt? How about a new fleet of taxis in our biggest cities? How about new city buses and school buses? We'll save our automakers, save the environment, and save on transportation costs. Not to mention quenching our thirst for oil. Now that's an investment! I mean, I haven't been to Yosemite in a while. Maybe the park Rangers are already using clean, full-efficient vehicles. But it should be broader than that. In Houston, the mayor's looking into converting the city's gasoline-engine vehicle fleet. That's huge for a city this size. But America needs a wider plan to make a real difference in the budget and our overall economy. Need more persuasion? Let T. Boone Pickens' energy plan show you the way.

Say it ain't so, Sam

So Sam Malone is out at Mix 96.5fm in Houston. That's too bad. He's a cool dude who's been on the air for years here. I worked with him for a short time at Channel 2 when I first moved here in 2005. He's already been removed from the Mix website. His personal site makes no mention of it. I emailed him to ask what happened. He said they basically bought out his contract and sent him home. Shitty. Well, good luck Sam. You're the man!

Sexy!

I Missed You Guys, Poor Dookie

NOW

THEN

Home Sick

Some infection got me, and it got me good. Don't know if it's viral or bacterial. I'm pretty sure it didn't come from that crack ho i met on the way to work a few weeks ago. Cuz I don't mess with crack ho's anymore! But fi real -- it's not mono or the most common form of strep. It could be another strain of strep, maybe that test result will finally come in tomorrow. I took two throat swabs and a blood test last Wednesday. The first swab came right back negative for strep. The blood test (for mono and whatever) came back Friday morning negative for mono and CSC or some shit like that. The other swab is still out. Docs gave me a Z-Pack Friday. My third dose comes tonight. I think I'm getting better. Either my throat's better or my ear is worse. Even with the medicine, I'm doing all the natural crap -- gargling salt water, eating chicken noodle soup, and drinking tons of water. Today was the first day that none of those things burned my throat. Yesssssss!

WTF?!

Without a true PR wing, Al-Qaeda loves spreading its propaganda and nonsense videos online -- through websites, chat rooms, and forums. That's how the press often gets ahold of them. Other times some terrorist asshole drops off a tape at al-Jazeera for broadcast. Anyway, it's been widely reported that a favorite al-Qaeda website has been down for a month. That explains why they weren't able to get a 9/11-7th-anniversary tape spread around the world. There's been speculation that hackers attacked the al-Qaeda site and took it down. Al-Qadea's media wing, as it's known, denies that and says the forums have been having technical difficulty. My question is: If we can get ahold of al-Qaeda's media folks, how the fuck can't we find the rest of the crew?

Who's got a leaky economic plan?

Reporters have been looking into Joe The Plumber's background. Kind of irrelevant to the election. What I want to know is: Will Joe get a boost or a smackdown from either candidate's economic plan? CBS News checked it out. I know, they're liberal so the reporter probably lied.

Vote Against Change

Good thing Claire is invincible. You don't know Claire? Look it up. She walked through fire and lived to tell about it.

By the way -- the embed code isn't perfect. If the video doesn't load, click here.

See more Hayden Panettiere videos at Funny or Die

Fixing Our Financial Fallacy

Last week, Bill Maher did an interview with the guy who used to oversee the government and how (poorly) it manages/spends our money. He's David Walker, former U.S. Comptroller General at the Government Accountability Office. While the debt clock passed $10 trillion, he estimates our total financial obligations above $50 trillion. That's like 903 Warren Buffets or 965 Bill Gateses (roughly) liquidating their net worth and handing it over. There are a little more than 1,000 Billionaires in the world. Maybe we should ask one of them what to do, if not ask them for money. Damn we're in trouble.

Sarah "Delilah" Palin

Thanks Undacova. Terrible singing. Hilarious parody.

What American TV Needs

Hannity Suffers Big Loss at Home

Obama spokesman Robert Gibbs levels Sean Hannity on his own show, and proves everything from Jeremiah Wright to Bill Ayers are non-issues. Damn, Gibbs made it look easy. Here's the full back story thanks to Salon.com.

Paris for President... Again

See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die

Dumbest Car Theif...

...like anyone could ever know that. But this dude is pretty damn stupid. He's got his name and birth date tattooed on his neck. And he wore it proudly for the hidden camera! There's video here.

The Stalls of Congress

Fat, White, Ass

How about this dude in Tokyo, Japan?! A British tourist went swimming in the moat around the Imperial Palace. Police tried for two hours to nab him. One elderly woman said she was lucky she didn't have good eyesight. And you're lucky this video is blurred!

Tick, Tick, Tick

The National Debt Clock in NYC has run out of digits. You think it's time to get spending under control?? In November, every U.S. House seat is up for grabs. Let's replace everyone.

SNL: Biden v. Palin

Tina Fey is spot on.

Old Lady: Obama's Wife Has Horse-sized Tuckus

I never get to watch The Daily Show w/ John Stewart anymore. I know, you don't give a shit. Anyway, this is a hilarious bit with old people in Florida watching the first presidential debate.

Go Pink Y'all

Got this tie in the mail this week from Diane Katzman. She's a designer and, more importantly, a breast cancer survivor. October is "Breast Cancer Awareness Month" and we spread the word by wearing pink. Katzman designed this pink tie, covered with breast cancer ribbons, and I'm honored to wear it. My aunt Linda has breast cancer, so I wear it for her and for all other patients, survivors, and their families. Even if only through buying the ties (they're sold at various retail outlets including Nordstrom, Stein Mart, & others), I encourage you to support the Susan G. Komen "Race For The Cure" which raises money for breast cancer research. Spread the word. Cure the cancer.