Undacova Calls "Major B.S." on The Phelps Story

Michael Phelps and The Travesty, Hypocrisy, and Futility of Our Nation's Marijuana Laws

By: Cory "Undacova" Goodman

Yesterday, it was reported that 8 people have been arrested in connection with Michael Phelps' bong picture. Don't worry, though Phelps was not one of them. So I guess this is another case of regular people going to jail while celebrities play by different rules, right? Not quite.

The truth is that these arrests were likey made specifically to build the case against Phelps. The way it works is, I'm sure you guys know this, the cops bring in the witnesses on trumped up charges and tell them that if they testify against Phelps then their charges will be dropped.

The evidence on Phelps is very thin. All they have is a photo of him holding a cylindrical object that resembles a bong. There is not even smoke in the cylinder, and certainly they have no pot to test and prove it was weed. Moreover, Phelps did not bring the weed, did not bring the bong, did not load the bong, it was not his party, he barely knew the people there. The only way that they can take any action at all against Phelps is to have eyewitness testimony.

n light of the incedent, and the others at the party's probable respect for Phelps, chances are they are not going to turn "rat". That is, unless their entire future is on the line. You see, these kids are college students. College students usually need financial aid. A marijuana conviction would probably revoke their financial aid.

So these cops can parade college students in on minimal evidence and threaten their entire college career and future jobs, since a marijuana conviction denies employment at many jobs. Further these kids are college students, so no money for a lawyer, and they are likely to not want their parents involved. So these police have a lot to hold over the heads of these students.

The officer claims that he does not want to give Phelps special treatment because he is a star athelete. He also claims “this one might be a lot easier since we have photographs of someone using drugs and a partial confession. It’s a relatively easy case once we can determine where the crime occurred.” I am going to call MAJOR BS on this one. Phelps is clearly being persued specifically BECAUSE he is a star athelete. Tell me this, do you think that if a cop came upon a picture of a random person holding a bong with no smoke in it to his lips that they would pursue the case? Ofcourse not, because the cop would know that there is little chance of convicting the person. Even if he were holding a bag of weed up to the camera, the case is very hard to make. Especially if the cop knows the person doesn't live in the city. The only reason this case is pursuable is because the pic is famous and Phelps is famous.

As to Phelps' confession, never anywhere in it did he say that he was guilty of smoking pot. He maintains that he engaged in "regrettable" and "childish" behavior. So the notions that he is not getting special treatment, the case will be easy, or that he made a confession, are blatantly false.

Also, a search for crime statistics in the city shows that Columbia, South Carolina is above the national average in almost all crime categories. This Phelps case is obviously taking up a lot of resources. 8 people have been arrested, all must be questioned, evidence filed, paperwork, officers taken off other cases, eventually there will be court proceedings which police will have to attend. All this ammounts to lost time that could be spent investigating other crimes that are more likely to end in not only convictions, but getting actual badguys off the streets.

Does it even make sense to move towards prosecution of Phelps when anything he could be indicted for is a non-extraditable offense? That means that all Phelps would have to do is never go to South Carolina again and he would be fine. If you are thinking "well they could at least get the people that live in the area" not really. The only piece of tangible evidence is the picture. Phelps is the only one in the picture. Any evidence presented against the other party goers is merely conjecture and heresay, there is little chance they could actually be convicted if Phelps himself does not at least testify.

So basically we have cops in a city with above average crime, spending department funds on a case that is weak at best. Phelps is not a criminal that needs to be taken off the street, the evidence is flimsy, there is little chance of a conviction, he doesn't even have to show up, and college students are caught in the middle, guilty of little other than being at a party where pot was smoked. What is the point?

I don't know if the cop is seeking to keep his name in the news, wants to be the guy who brought down the "golden boy", hates how atheletes always get "special treatment" for their crimes, or what, but I do know that it is a non-issue. It is not worth spending taxpayer dollars to persue a crime that does not hurt society in any way. Michael Phelps is an American hero and the travesty, hypocrisy, and futility of laws against marijuana are blatantly obvious in the case against him.

I had planned on going into the further hypocrisy that baseball is systemically failing due to steroids, but the players are not being brought up on drug use charges, and illustrate how these people cheated their game, fans, and the institution of professional sports while Phelps did not, but this little essay when on longer than expected so I may do it later. Thanks for reading :)

Cory "Undacova" Goodman is a guest writer for "Notes," and a "War on Drugs" expert.