Poke Your Hontas

The Boner Pill Works

I don't usually post parody videos unless I make them. But this one is worth it. The production value is okay. But the idea is hilarious!

You Only Get One Shot

A convicted killer in Argentine kills himself in front of a TV crew. Don't watch it if you've got a sensitive stomach.

Cartoons Come To Life!

WATCH AT YOUR OWN RISK!

From The BeeHive

Every sports team needs an introduction. Years ago it was just music and a spotlight if you were lucky. These days it's all about multi-media. When I was in high school I did tape-to-tape music mixes for the basketball team. Now an old bastard, I threw together some audio for my boy Brandon Smith from the sports media department at East Carolina University (home of the Pirates, arrrrrrrr). He was creating a special production for the men's and women's basketball teams, to get everyone rowdy before the game... and there's apparently a light show to go along with it in the arena. I think it kicks ass. (Please, Cougars and Owls don't be mad. It's not like I'll root ECU over my home teams. For real.)

Martial Arts Kick-Ass

This is a movie trailer for a Thai martial arts film called "Ong bak 2." It has some of the wildest, craziest, best fighting ever recorded. (Thanks, B)

A New View of WWII

Cleaning out their Grandparents' home in Colorado, two brothers found this incredible film, shot by their Grandad at the end of World War II. The footage is amazing. The shots of an American aerial assault look amazingly like so many war movies we've seen. Anyway, the story got kick-started when the boys took the film to NBC affiliate KUSA in Denver. You can read the full story here.

WTF?!

Did you hear Joe Scarborough of MSNBC this morning? WTF was he thinking? Honestly, I shouldn't talk smack 'cuz I worry about doing that myself everyday. But it was funnier still that Joe had no idea what he had just said. That's the problem with talking too much junk in commericial breaks -- you get too comfortable and increase your chances of letting one slip. Although it's just cable people!! What's the problem?! The FCC is so prudish. Wonder how much they'll charge the network? At least the Huffington Post is there to upload the clip for all to see. Let's see how long it's available before NBC makes them take it down.

And my dear friend Rincon adds: "Eff the effing EFF-C-C." Nice.

Undacova Again!

Our boy Cory "Undacova" Goodman brought up this post election point:

Why are no newspeople talking about the fact that Massachusetts has now decriminalized pot, by a 65% margin. If you are caught in the state with less than an ounce you get a $100 ticket that you can mail in. In Michigan pot is now legal for medical purposes, won by 63%. In Arkansas and Hawaii they voted to make pot the lowest police priority.

Here is a rundown of them all. Most won by more than 60%. The only one that failed was in California, of all places, due to a multi-million dollar smear campaign headed by the Governator (including 4 other former governors) and the Prison Workforce Labor Union (due to the fact that it would mean less people in prison and less work for overtime).

Next year a bill in the House will decriminalize pot federally, Obama has stated he supports the tenets of the bill in the past (not the bill itself though since it was introduced while he was running for prez). He supports medical and revamping the War on Drugs towards decriminalization. I hope News organizations start covering it so that there is a chance it will pass.

Undacova, ladies and gentlemen. (applause)

I would add this: We're down hundreds of billion a year on the federal budget. It might be time to really consider regulating and taxing marijuana among other things. Decriminalize. Medicalize. Radicalize. Whatever. Tickets bring in money. Putting cops on more important shit saves time and money. We need new sources of revenue fast, like yesterday. More income tax is not the way to go. We're already pissed about that. New sources of revenue from new markets and new ideas is what we need. There's gotta be some smart economist dude who can dream that plan up for us. How about a contest among college students to submit new, fresh ideas? Winner gets a job at the Fed or something. I'm just saying...

Mo' Money, Mo' Problems

I hope my man Obama's finance people make balance the budget asap. That's the first step toward a better, stronger, brighter, cleaner, longer-lasting, more-dependable, fuel-efficient, full-flavored, delicious economy... MMMmmm.

Quick budgeting point: If we ran our home budgets like the Feds run our money, we'd have our wages garnished by now. Here's a proportionate analogy using numbers most of us can comprehend. Who really grasps numbers in the trillions? Anyway, you make $25k per year and spend every dollar you have. And you spend an extra $1k on your credit card. Oh, and you owe $100k in debt beyond that credit card, your car, house, etc. Remember, your budget is maxed. How the hell are you going to get out debt?!?! HOW?! How the &#@% is Washington ever going to get out of debt? Seriously! Back to our imaginary family. If you cut about 10% of your spending ($2500) you could have as much as $1500 extra to pay debt (we were overspending by $1k so i subtract that amount). Without counting interest you could pay off your $100k in about 60 years. For real, someone double check my math. If we're so dumb to keep putting these fools back in congress, then we deserve to let our economy fall to the rest of the world. We need to lead the globe economically, not pretend. That debt ain't never gonna get paid off! DAMN!! SAMSON!!

Palin Prank

Those wacky Canadians... playing a phone scam on Sarah Palin.

Fire 'em all!

What we need is 100% turnover in Congress. I know, it's not gonna happen. But seriously, if we ran our budgets at home the way the government runs the books, we'd have our wages garnished by now. Let's get some leaders in there who know how to use a calculator. Our tax money generates about $2.4 trillion dollars a year. Our leaders have been spending about $2.5 trillion. That's about $100 billion in overspending. If each government office cut %10 of its spending, we'd save about $250 billion a year, creating a surplus of about $150 billion. Check my math. When times get tough, and they've been tough, the we cut vacations, dinners out, and other luxuries. Why can't our leaders find 10% savings somewhere?? Mayor Michael Bloomberg basically said the same about the NYC budget. If you can't find ways to cut 8% from next year's budget, you're not trying. Happy voting!

Help Us, Help You

You've heard by now that the American auto industry's got issues. Our chief automakers aren't making vehicles most of us want. Toyota is about to surpass GM as the world's largest automaker. Millions of autoworkers wake up everyday wondering, "Is this the day I lost my job?" Thursday (10/30), the Governors of 6 states asked the Treasury Department and The Fed for an assist; in other words money. The Treasury has already agreed to $25 billion in loans to help out. What else do they want? Oh, they want some cash from the $700 billion bailout deal too. How about this: If we're gonna spend taxpayer money to help our American automakers, how about buying a fleet of near zero-emissions and/or renewable-energy powered vehicles for all government workers who drive cars we pay for? Why not get GM to speed up work on that Chevy Volt? How about a new fleet of taxis in our biggest cities? How about new city buses and school buses? We'll save our automakers, save the environment, and save on transportation costs. Not to mention quenching our thirst for oil. Now that's an investment! I mean, I haven't been to Yosemite in a while. Maybe the park Rangers are already using clean, full-efficient vehicles. But it should be broader than that. In Houston, the mayor's looking into converting the city's gasoline-engine vehicle fleet. That's huge for a city this size. But America needs a wider plan to make a real difference in the budget and our overall economy. Need more persuasion? Let T. Boone Pickens' energy plan show you the way.

Say it ain't so, Sam

So Sam Malone is out at Mix 96.5fm in Houston. That's too bad. He's a cool dude who's been on the air for years here. I worked with him for a short time at Channel 2 when I first moved here in 2005. He's already been removed from the Mix website. His personal site makes no mention of it. I emailed him to ask what happened. He said they basically bought out his contract and sent him home. Shitty. Well, good luck Sam. You're the man!

Sexy!

I Missed You Guys, Poor Dookie

NOW

THEN

Home Sick

Some infection got me, and it got me good. Don't know if it's viral or bacterial. I'm pretty sure it didn't come from that crack ho i met on the way to work a few weeks ago. Cuz I don't mess with crack ho's anymore! But fi real -- it's not mono or the most common form of strep. It could be another strain of strep, maybe that test result will finally come in tomorrow. I took two throat swabs and a blood test last Wednesday. The first swab came right back negative for strep. The blood test (for mono and whatever) came back Friday morning negative for mono and CSC or some shit like that. The other swab is still out. Docs gave me a Z-Pack Friday. My third dose comes tonight. I think I'm getting better. Either my throat's better or my ear is worse. Even with the medicine, I'm doing all the natural crap -- gargling salt water, eating chicken noodle soup, and drinking tons of water. Today was the first day that none of those things burned my throat. Yesssssss!

WTF?!

Without a true PR wing, Al-Qaeda loves spreading its propaganda and nonsense videos online -- through websites, chat rooms, and forums. That's how the press often gets ahold of them. Other times some terrorist asshole drops off a tape at al-Jazeera for broadcast. Anyway, it's been widely reported that a favorite al-Qaeda website has been down for a month. That explains why they weren't able to get a 9/11-7th-anniversary tape spread around the world. There's been speculation that hackers attacked the al-Qaeda site and took it down. Al-Qadea's media wing, as it's known, denies that and says the forums have been having technical difficulty. My question is: If we can get ahold of al-Qaeda's media folks, how the fuck can't we find the rest of the crew?

Who's got a leaky economic plan?

Reporters have been looking into Joe The Plumber's background. Kind of irrelevant to the election. What I want to know is: Will Joe get a boost or a smackdown from either candidate's economic plan? CBS News checked it out. I know, they're liberal so the reporter probably lied.

Vote Against Change

Good thing Claire is invincible. You don't know Claire? Look it up. She walked through fire and lived to tell about it.

By the way -- the embed code isn't perfect. If the video doesn't load, click here.

See more Hayden Panettiere videos at Funny or Die